Raj Subramanian's few personal Diary notesHe wrote in Tamil as well as English Here are some samples in English.
His native Tamil writing and poems bring out the feelings explicitly.We will publish them in their original Tamil format later.
Raj and Latha were slowly developing love unknowingly.
They were working in a Higher Secondary School
Raj in Admin and Latha as Teacher
This happened in Chennai, India in 1982
Indian customs and traditions at that time didnt allow
expressing the love at sight or saying later on |
Feelings day in day out
It was a slow and waiting process. Throughout these dates the love was not expressed by both yet.
They had to take into account their parent's likely or unlikely consent also. But Raj thought it was a pleasure waiting for Parents' decision
Raj Subramanian was writing his feelings day in and day out -his feelings are zig zagging between happiness and sorrow-especially on holidays when they couldnot meet..
Some of the writings which are poetic go out of the context of love touch other things of life, example "The open Book". Written to show he is very open about everything in life including the love. |
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Just the touch of...
Friday,8th October,1982
Both ends meet
It is hot & cold
A wayward wind
may bring
cough & cold
Want to get
If 'don't
will have yet
another try
Not upto the mark
'am not consoled
Wanted to enter the arena
Won't be nice now.
Sleepless nights
brought out Niles
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Thursday,7th October,1982
Not uttered a single word
Seeing and marvelling were
What we confined to
Going for a refresher
Wanted to accompany
from there
Unable to go as the
time passes away
Going home after the refresher
late in the evening
is a tricky job
I must have given my
hand to solve
I wanted to...
But not happened
Oh! There is a
Wild shouting entity ( a wild friend)
gone with them.
I should not go to
its notice
I'll prearrange for 'morrow.
Not a very good day
in that sense
Creative intelligence aplenty wasted
Night in and night out. |
Wednesday,6th October,1992
Fever really not in her mind now
Body can tolerate
thousands of centigrades
But not the heart
A happy congregation
Five and three fourths
on Monday- a long one
Very long one - I agree
events execute me
"What do you want?"
What else do I want except you?"
"For why do you like me?" I ask
She has "no reason" to say
What a fantastic reason it is? |
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Monday,27th September,1982
Morning makes two
White Roses Smile
Aftrernoon makes them speak
But alas,
Evening tears apart
their petals (both of them were in white)
It was not an angry
bid-well at the Bank
But an assurance
'ill be back soon
and a request to wait.
On arrival at the general area
"could hardly believe
if went off.
Rounds and Rounds I went.
Even I wanted to enter the temple
It was not until dark
But a lot more was my waiting
Circuits after circuits along-side
the transformers have not
brought out the electricity I wanted
My prayers went unanswered
A black letter day written on a
white sheet of paper.
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Tuesday,28th September,1982
As the Red Hills Lake(water lake in Chennai,India)
Became a pond
So as my eyes
Swiftly lost all their watery elements.
there is not more 2H2O
to go off.
Morning a sad revival of
yesterday's blinkerings
Ram! Ram
I went
Hare Ram
I dwindled
Here and there
in the Street
Walked up and down
meeting Vannias (street vanderers)
But not a bouquet,
Diluted I am
Went back
Haye Ram
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Wednesday,29th September,1982
My veins run like meanders
Arteries blossom up
Crest fallen chief of
circulatory system
boomarangs
Nerve fibres
clutch on their nuclei
To show their fists
Muscle fibres arrange
for a get together
for a cup of blood
Pancreas and liver
speed up their secretion
for their part in the
digestive system
Bones stiffened in joy
enjoying with spinal chord
Skin abunds its
production - Sweat
Brain wraps red tape
to its worries.
What these systesm try to do?
Oh!
Each one wants to
celeberate the occasion
the occasion to celeberate
Smile - Her Smile |
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Thursday,30th September,1982
Standing is an exercise
I suppose;
Talking added to it is
pleasant
Listening to the magic voice
is
Not a hobby
Nor a leisure time activitiy
But It is my LIFE
It is not for the lessons
The thunder & lightening spark
But for the association they have.
Achcha!(Good) Came out with a smile
Learnt a lot.
The rivers started flowing
during voyage
Why?
Fomer Finance Minister said to the new
"I pass on my sleepless
nights to you"
I continued |
Friday1st October,1982
It was an apt thing
To be present
Whenever I shook off my head.
A happy search into the
heart throught the eyes
Picture 'morrow is mirage
Opted for the third darshan
To convey a lot
Smile was not from a depth
Lips act as such
we know each one is actiong
Sorrow written on the faces |
Saturday, 2nd October,2002 Gandhi Jayanthi
My activities are curtailed
What an action oriented
man I WAS!
Things changed now.
I am making people to work
Managing them on a corner
I have nothing more to lose
Any how Anniversay -(Literary Association)
Whether she likes it or not,
a grand success
If I have to think of her
I miss my concentration
And all that I do is to
Stare at others
It is Ram Dhun which comforts me
on the brink of my
cracking down
It was a shallow waiting
Upon the Hills
Has the waiting ended?
Expectations of a meeting
Dream from the morning
Belied. |
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Saturday,25th September,1982
Clouds hang high in the sky
these two days
I smell a muddy smell
the land is preparing
to absorb a heavy shower
But all of a sudden
A metamorphosis takes place.
Clouds whithered away
The moon shows its face
Oh! it forgot that it is day
The moon stays on and on
Until the darkness goes off
The moon stays on and on
Until the younger planet
makes it move
But still the moon stays on and on
Not in the sky
But in my heart
An aimless day
passes on to a
fruitless night
like a monk
at the Shaolin.
(Needless to say Moon is Latha and younger planet is her sister ) |
Monday 4th October,1982
Fervent voice tells of the fever
Lasted long from yesterday
Reasons go hand to hand
Heart went valiantly searching
Books for the exams
No I am examing myself.
I have not lost count
of my problems
Yes - Seven I have
Systematic I am
In worrying for one after another
I hope to complete the process
in a day or two
It was a woeful
bid-well
Follows the wonten form of Smile
Learnt to Smile in distress
As I am.
I smile when there is difficulty
I laught when it enlarges
I keep mum at my victories
Completely non-plussed
in my moments of fulfilment
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Tuesday, 5th October,1982
They are murmuring on drought
But I don't
A lousy wayward wind
took away the monsoons,
As if to help me.
Salt water from her eyes
come in ahndy.
To aggravate the scarcity.
They wanted to cut me
But not without water.
There are more serious cases,
so, I can wait for long
there won't be any problems
Assured they
I pray there shouldn't be
any rains
as long as we live.
Feverish took a day out
from Children.
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Saturday 9th October, 1982
Lincoln, Kennedy
promised to come Tuesday
in the States Embassy
Hinted why is dull
I understood but not explained
meant involuntary
(Raj's Lincon and Kennedy at that time were feminine figures - Latha and her friend States Embassy is the American Library)
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Sunday 10th october, 1982
A futile exercise to go
Stay there at 'cane
with Ethi
Wavered past Gandhi to Anna
Sat at spot. It was early hours
When I went back to Triplicane
Without even closing eyelashes |
Monday 11th october,1982
Had a work at Mambalam
to purchase electric goods
for wiring
Viji, a Friend waited until 7
for my barren soul to come
back from Shores
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Tuesday 12th October, 1982
If you want to change to be a moon, change
But I will be a moth(vittil poochi) as I am today looking for your light
I'll slowly,slowly fly to reach out to you
People say I got burnt in your spark of blaze
Not when you become moon
when I will merge with you not die
(She didnt come to work)
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18th Thursday February, 1982
The day you started loving her
I became the softest
But you left me out in the search of softness
Who's voice is that?
My heart
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Friday 19th February, 1982
I saw mountain
She also saw
I saw tree
She also saw
I saw stream
She also saw
I saw lawn
She also saw
I saw her
She also saw me
Again she saw mountain
I saw her
She saw tree
I saw her
She saw stream
I saw her
She saw lawn
I saw her
I saw her
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Appropriate Time
When I was hot she was cold
When she was hot I was cold
When both of us were hot
Children knocked the door for morning tea |
He was......
He was a poet
He saw her in his poem
He was a Painter
He saw her in his Paintings
He was a singer
He saw her in his melodies
He was a sculptor
He saw her in his cravings
He was a man
He saw her all through his mind
He was blind
He was able to see her only in his tears
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Tuesday, 16th March, 1982
The sweetness of the memory
tells me that
She is the Sweetest of all the
Sweeties
We are not living in a dreamland
nor it a dramatic world
I know my limitations
She knows hers.
I suggested a meaningful way out
to realise the realities of life
She ignores them.
Hangs on me.
Childish as she is
She knows nothing of
The hard pressed life
and its tandrums
Believe me
I also now have forgotten
the experiences I have
gained in life. |
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Saturday, 13th March, 1982
Open Book
Mine is an open book
Free for all
I have no likes
No Dislikes
Don't have secrets
nor they a sacred ones
Sadly missing in my
life is sadness
I am happy that I have
never felt happy |
Monday, 15th March,1982
Open Book
If I know Urdu
I'll compose poems in urdu
Not that I like Urdu
Nor I pretend to be a poet
I want to be a free bird
Through shedding of my luggages
To express all my deeds
and thoughts
In whatever language I know
In whatever way I know
In whatever form I know
I am writing, talking and conveying
Don't mistake me
My words may not be phrases or poems
Tell my language is wrong
But please don't say
I am a closed man..
Be sure I am an open book
and like to be called
an open book |
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copyright Raj Subramanian |
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